#i love your blog btw oh my god i can't stop laughing looking at it

[spread-the-influence]

Why hello 😏 I see your interactions with @pomni-xddcc and think wow you can do so much better but like I get to be in power right.

She smiled at you. "Honey, as long as you're not in our way, I'm fine."

[maximiliangf]

HIII, I js came across ur blog and I RLLY RLLY LOVE ur acc's theme<333 (if u can't tell I'm also a Max girlie🤭🤭)

I wanna send a req with this as inspo: https://youtube.com/shorts/LeGBgzwJZ6Y?si=-NpYUeC6p3xQsYpx CUS LIKE AHDJSIHSWWO

I was thinking of Lewis, but I don't think he'd act that way(???)😓, so how abt Max??🫣 (please disregard this if u don't feel like writing this btw, but if u do feel like it, thank you sm🫶🏻)

୨୧ ﹒𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐄 | 𝐌𝐀𝐗 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍

⟢﹐pairings: max verstappen x fem!reader, brief lewis hamilton x fem!reader.

⟢﹐warnings: none. lmk if there is tho!

⟢﹐word count: 440.

⟢﹐author's note: hii, thank you for being my first request!! i did take it as a max req but i also included lewis bc well, why not!! it is so him i feel😭 but i hope i did it justice and you enjoy reading it😭🫶🏼 i would love feedback or more requests!💓

One would surely think all the experience you've been building in sports journalism would prepare you for the moment you stand in front of three-time world champion, Max Verstappen—today's race winner—with podium sitters Lando Norris and Lewis Hamilton.

You look down at your notepad, re-reading your questions one more time just to be sure. First-time nervousness aside, it did not help that you were instructed to stand when speaking so now you tug at the end of the mic in your hand, waiting for Lando Norris to return to the conference room after his little run-off.

You hear distant chatter from the two drivers left on the couch, apparently they were gossiping about their friend running away in such a boyish matter. You smile a little and wet your lips again, your heartbeat slowly begins quieting down so it's no longer ringing in your ear.

You look at Max and he's already looking at you. Your eyes shy away between him, the door, Lewis, and the floor. The next time you sneak a look at him you can see a smile forming on his face which makes you heart flutter. His head is tilted and he's waving around his microphone without a care in the world.

"Wow, she looks so beautiful.." the words simply slip out of his mouth, loud and clear through the mic, the room fell into silence and all eyes are on you or him. Heat warming cheeks, no words or thoughts coming up just a flustered expression that has Lewis chuckling.

"She is, isn't she?" Lewis breaks the silence and adoring laughs follow from other journalists and staff in the room. You can't help but smile a little and feeling very shy.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry you heard that," Max is clearly panicking on the inside and outside, also a little flushed at the fact he very loudly announced to the many journalists present what he'd been thinking of for the past fifteen minutes. "I just, I mean you look divine truly, I.. I'm sorry, I'll stop talking now," He sets the microphone to his right shutting his mouth for now.

Lando comes back running to the front of the room, "I'm sorry for the wait everyone," He stops in his tracks looking at Max sitting in the middle head down yet cheeks clearly red, his brows now furrowed, "What's wrong with him? What'd I miss?"

"Oh, nothing. Alright let's take it from the beautiful lady in the second row," Lewis is proud of himself for that comment.

"Thank you both," You smile and continue onward with your planned questions to the three drivers.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[miindjack]

Casual Hanzo x s/o that can't really control themself because he looks so handsome with that haircut?? smut please, if that's ok!! Btw, I have just found your blog and I'm in love!!! It's#!!!! Beautiful!! Gorgeous!!!! Amazing!!!!;!&&!&!

casual hanzo haircut makes me feel some type of way tbh. 

i went with fem s/o for this one. i tried to keep it gender neutral but my brain just sort of took it in the way of female s/o so i’m sorry if that isn’t what you wanted!

and thank you!

notes: oral (female recieving), unprotected sex under the cut (wrap it before u tap it kthnks). MUST BE 18+ TO READ THIS K THANK YOU BYE.

word count: 1363.

also this took for-fucking-ever to write and get out but i really hope you guys enjoy. 

you hadn’t seen him in almost a month. he’d left on a longer mission and each passing day had become more and more boring. god, you missed him. you were expecting him home any moment now and you were so ready to see him again. but what you weren’t expecting was him to come home with a new haircut. you paused on your way to him, eyes going wide as you took him in. his hair was now shaved along the sides and he had it mostly tied up in it’s usual fashion, though a little bit was hanging out at the front. you slowly made your way over to him, placing your hands against his cheeks and humming a little at the stubble that brushed against your hands. 

“hello, my blossom.” he says softly, grinning down at you as your hands moved up to run along the shaved sides of his head. 

you blinked up at him, moving your gaze to his chocolate gaze with a smile. “hi…you cut your hair.” you reply to him, leaning up to press a kiss to his jaw. 

he nods, chuckling a little bit and moving his hands to your waist. “i did. i figured it would be nice to try something new. do you not like it?” he asks, brow pinching together slightly in worry. 

“no! no, i love it. i…i really love it, hanzo. you look amazing. not that you don’t always look amazing! i just mean that you still look amazing but just in a different way. am i making sense? because i don’t think i am. i think i’m–” you’re cut off with his lips pressing against yours, his hands on your waist pulling you against him a little more. 

your arms wrap around his neck and keep him close, pressing your body against his and returning the kiss with just as much passion. he pulls away after a moment, offering you a small grin as he rested his forehead against yours. “you’re making perfect sense, my love.” he says before kissing you again. 

“say, uhm, how about…how about we take this to the bedroom?” you offer, biting down on your lip as you look up at your gorgeous boyfriend. he chuckles again before giving a nod and letting you lead the way to your shared bedroom. 

the moment you both entered the bedroom, your arms were around his neck and you pulled him in to a passionate kiss. his own hands held your sides, keeping you pressed against his body. after a moment of just kissing and taking each other in, your hands moved down to his jacket and began to unzip it, trying to get him out of his clothes without really removing yourself from the make-out session.

his own hands began moving to your own shirt, removing his lips from yours only so he could slip it off over your head before he was kissing you again, helping you get his jacket and button up off. one both items had joined your shirt on the floor, your hands moved to his pants, thankful that they were sweats as you could just push them down his thighs until they pooled around his ankles. he stepped out of them, doing the same to you until you were both left in your undergarments. 

he gently lead you to the bed, sitting you on the edge before he knelt down on the floor between your legs. “lift your hips, darling,” he says softly, humming in thanks as you lift your hips and allow him to slip your panties down and off your legs. he moved your legs to his shoulders, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to your inner thigh before his lips gently brushed against your already damp core, eyes glancing up at your for a moment as his tongue came out and flickered over your clit lightly. a soft gasp passes through your lips at the contact, one hand moving to rest against the back of his head as you used the other to prop yourself up against the bed. 

he put a bit more pressure with his tongue, switching between light, teasing flicks and long, broad strokes. you were a moaning mess, head tipped back as your nails gently scratched at his scalp, digging in a little more as he drew you closer to the edge. “o-oh, fuck, hanzo…hanzo, i’m gonna come,” you breath out, breath hitching before a loud moan passed through your lips as he doubled his efforts. 

he gave a few more stripes of his tongue against your clit before moving to gently suck on the sensitive bud, eyes closing as he listened to your moan and cry out. a few more suckles against your clit and you were falling over the edge into a blissful orgasm, your hand moving to the back of his neck and gripping on as he continued to eat you out and help you ride out your high. 

you whine softly as you come down, clit a little too sensitive to hanzo’s attention. you push at his forehead gently, whining again. he chuckles softly and pulls back, pressing a kiss against your thigh. “get up on the bed a little more, darling.” he says softly, standing now and helping you move. you reach behind you and unclasp your bra, pulling it off and tossing it onto the floor. he pushes off his boxers before moving onto the bed and crawling up to you. he settles in between your legs, leaning down and bracing himself with one hand next to your head before he kisses you softly, brushing his cock against your wet folds before slowly pushing into you, swallowing down your moans with his kisses. 

your legs move and wrap around his thighs, one hand resting against his bicep of the arm that he’s holding himself up with while the other hand moves to wrap around his neck, breaking the kiss and moaning again as his lips trail down your jaw and neck. he kept a slow pace, keeping the moment sensual and passionate as his lips placed soft kisses to the sensitive skin of your neck while his free hand moved to cup your breast and gently tease the nipple. 

slowly, his thrusts picked up a bit of speed as he felt the muscles in his lower stomach tightening up, moving back to press his lips against yours as his hand on your breast trailed down your body and met your clit. he rubbed in time with his thrusts, moaning softly as your hips bucked up slightly and your muscles tightened around his cock. “that’s it, darling. are you close? are you going to come for me again, koneko?” he purrs as he pulls away to rest his forehead against yours, panting softly. he grins at the moan he pulls from you, nodding your head. 

“yes, god…yes, i’m so close hanzo. so close, please,” you whimper, both hands on his shoulders now, nails digging into his skin as you felt yourself drawing near that delicious edge once more. his fingers moved a little faster but his thrusts stayed the same, pulling you over the edge suddenly and quickly. your eyes slid shut, back arching up as a soft cry fell from you as your walls fluttered around his cock. he kept thrusting, helping you ride out your orgasm as his hit and he came inside of you, burying his face against your neck and muffling his moan as his hips stuttered in their rhythm before slowly coming to a stop. 

you both stayed like that for a moment, catching your breath before he pulls out of you and gets out of bed to quickly clean himself up and get a wash cloth for you. he gently cleans you up before placing the washcloth on the dresser to deal with later, crawling back into bed beside you and pressing a kiss to your cheek as you curl up against him.

“so…” he starts, a cheeky grin on his lips. “just to clarify, we like the haircut, yes?”

you laugh softly, smacking him in the chest playfully. “yes, we like the haircut.” 

[badcriminalmindsimagines]

Oh my god I'm laughing so much that I'm crying and my parents are just looking at me like wtf and I can't tell them why I'm laughing so much because they don't understand English (I'm Brazilian btw) and now they think I'm crazy. But you're amazing

2) OKAY SO I’VE JUST BEEN LOOKING AT YOUR BLOG FOR THE PAST SEVERAL HOURS AND IT’S V FUNNY ALSO THE STAY IN YOUR LANE DAVE POST WAS MADE ON MY BIRTHDAY LMAO THATS LIKE WAY IRRELEVANT BUT IM SLEEP DEPRIVED SO TO ME IT’S LIT

3) I scrolled to the end of you blog just fucking dieing laughing which i really needed today bless

4) I should be sleeping or doing geometry but no I’m here on this amazing page screaming stay in your lane dave and chicken hotch. Ily

5) It’s four am and I’m crying from laughter, your blog is great

6) Your captions for your imagines are actually hilarious, sorry I’m just casually stalking ur blog

7) Ohmyfuckinggod. My roommates are all trying to sleep but I cannot stop laughing at all these. I have a feeling they might all attempt to kill me tomorrow.

8) This blog gives me life

9) Omg I can’t stop laughing at your blog, it is just amazing and that ‘stay in your lane dave’ post just killed me! I never knew I needed it until now! xD

10) I AM SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR BLOG IN AN UBER AND TRYING MY HARDEST NOT TO LAUGH TOO HARD. THE DRIVER KEEPS LOOKING AT ME. THIS IS EMBARRASSING ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I FELL ON HIM ON THE WAY INTO THE CAR

11) I swear you’re going to be the death of me I can’t stop laughing 😂😂💕

12) I went through your entire blog and laughed so hard i got a headache and please don’t let this blog die

Okay so I’ve been scrolling back through asks and this is only a selection of them, I mean there are so many more and I feel bad because you guys go out of your way to give me love and I can’t answer all of you. Thankyou thankyou thankyou! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of you and every single ask brings a smile to my face. I wish you all every happiness in life💜